I'm still Here

Okay... So obviously I haven't blogged lately. Shame on me.... I am still alive but just haven't had much to say. I have had so many thoughts and feelings but decided to leave all of it between Mike and I instead of venting and sharing my thoughts with you all.... don't get me wrong I love ya'll but I needed my husband.

As you all know last week was the worst week ever... BUT.... I am still determined... maybe MORE determined than ever!!

This past week has had it's ups and downs. When I thought I couldn't cry another tear or thought I was doing better... it would start all over again. I am taking it one day at a time and though I may look happy on the outside, I am still hurting on the inside.

We are still in need of your thoughts and prayers.

So your probably wondering... "what's our next step"?

Well, Yesterday we had an appt. to check my HCG level and to speak with our doctor. Since my level has gone down to 3.9, we can start trying again. THANK YOU LORD!!!! We go back Saturday morning for an ultrasound to check for a maturing follicle. Here's where I need your prayers... Please pray that I am ovulating this month so we can continue on with this cycle.

On another note.... SCHOOL BEGINS TOMORROW!!! I am still in shock that it is here already.

Where.... oh....where did summer go?

I had a great turn out at Open House tonight. I've got me some cutie pies too! I am praying for a FABULOUS year and wishing all of you teachers out there the best of luck!

Thank you again for following our blog and praying for us during this trying time.

The Good...The Bad...and The Ugly

Mike and I are in need of your thoughts and prayers, please!

Our hearts are hurting more than ever right now.

A week ago Friday our doctor had us take a home pregnancy test. We did and I shared with you all that the test was negative. I stopped the Prometrium as directed and waited to start. The following Thursday I had not started and called the doctor. They had us come in for a blood test to see what was going on. That afternoon we received the most exciting news....

we were pregnant!

My HCG level was 337 and she said it should be around 50.

Our prayers were finally answered.

She scheduled us to come in this morning for another HCG test just to make sure that my levels were rising and for an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed nothing going on in my ovaries and my uterus had a very small black shadow, which he said could be the sack.

The nurse called around 1:30 with the lab results.

Keep in mind that I started professional development today.

So I jumped up from my seat and ran to my room to answer the call. She said with a not so happy voice that my HCG level had dropped to 44 and it should have been around 1200.

I LOST IT! We had a chemical pregnancy.

I immediately called Mike with the news. He came to the school and got me because I just couldn't face going back into a room full of teachers with the news I just received. A good teacher friend of mine came in to check on me while I waited on Mike and we just sat and cried. I had her share the news with everyone after Mike and I left. The teachers ended up having a prayer for us. I work with an AMAZING group of teachers.

I so badly wish I was sharing better news right now.

On the positive side of things... at least we know that we CAN get pregnant! It is just SO upsetting and disappointing how this happened. I am trying SO hard to be positive about things. Quiet frankly I am an emotional mess right now. I have cried so much and then when I think I am done it starts all over again. I wasn't going to blog until later but I think it's best just to announce it now and get it out of the way.

God is still oh so good.

Praise be to God!!

We will let you know very soon why we think God is SO good!

Trying to Smile

We found out this morning that this month didn't work and our hearts were broken once again. On to more doctors appointments next week and plan B.

I am going to leave you with part of the song "Smile" and a prayer I say often.

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll see the sun come shining through for you if you just smile.

"God, please help me overcome what I can't control. Please give me and my husband the pleasure of becoming parents. Please bless my womb and control the destiny you have already written for me. Please allow us the chance to teach a new child your ways and to be able to overcome this obstacle you chose us to have. Thank you for each and every day you give to us and each and every day that we have each other. I want to rejoice in one of your greatest gifts. You have already blessed me with so much, including your love and my husband. In your name I pray and plead again for your greatest love and kindness to bless me with a child. Amen."

Once again thank you all for your prayers and positive comments.

We have not lost hope or faith and will continue to wait on him.

Show Us Your Dress

I am SO excited to say....I'm joining Kelly at Kelly's Korner for "Show Us Your Life-Wedding Dress edition"!!

We got married at The First United Methodist Church on January 6th, 2007. Okay so your thinking wow a winter wedding... well we live in Arkansas and the weather is not always what you think it's going to be. On this day it was SUNNY and 70 degrees outside!!! We could not have asked for a prettier day. That in which made for an even happier bride!!

My dress came from the ever so famous

"Low's Bridal" in Eastern Arkansas.

My Mom and most of my bridesmaids went with me to

make the BIG decision!

I had a diamond white strapless dress with lots of beading.

It fit like a glove!

Mike and I during prayer.

We snuck away from our reception to get some pictures on the golf course. Notice Mike doesn't have his jacket on because it was a little warmer than normal in January.

It was NOT easy to pick from 1210 pictures!! Yes you read that right... our photographer was amazing and took lots of pictures to document our special day.

We will never forget this day in our lives and are blessed with the family and friends that were there to share it with us.

Nothing much

So there really hasn't been much to blog about lately.

We are curtainly in the 2 week wait. I have been trying to keep myself as busy as possible.

I spent several hours in my classroom today trying to get things back in order. I feel like it was a very productive day. I love to rearrange and change things up.

The first day of school will be here before you know it!

On another note... I have a prayer request. Some friends of ours Stuart & Sarah have been struggling with infertility issues and are in need of some prayers. They have been through so much and are hurting right now. Please pray that they find peace and that they don't lose faith or hope. God has a plan!

Luvin' Life

Yesterday Mike and I spent the whole day in Little Rock at the doctors office. It was ALL worth the wait though because we got FABULOUS news in the end! All of my labs thus far have come back normal and my HSG test went well. I'm not going to lie.... it hurt and I was very uncomfortable for a little while but all I was thinking about was the end result! Our prayer was answered though... NO blockage! Mike got to go back with me and hold my hand through it. He's such a sweetie! I don't think I could do any of this without him. He has been to every doctors appointment and is so supportive.

Does your hubby have a hobby?

Mine does!! In the fall it's hunting, in the spring it's bass fishing, and in the summer it's canoeing and golfing. Since water and I don't get along... Mike has been begging me to play golf. He really wanted me to go out and play but I had absolutely no idea how. After some pressure, I gave in and agreed to take some golf lessons. I took my first one today and LOVED it!

He is on cloud 9 right now. HA!

Ms. Jane said I did really well for a newby! WOO HOO

Mike better watch out... HA!

We caught the sun setting on our way home from golf lessons.

It was absolutely beautiful!